I was dropping S at Kindy a few weeks ago when the mum of one of his classmates arrived at the same time. I immediately noticed that she did not look pregnant at all.
The last time I’d seen her was at a birthday party at least a month before and she was getting on about 20 weeks. She was pregnant with another son. This would have been her second child and it was mildly implied in our brief conversation that making their way to baby no 2 had not been easy hence the big gap.
(Or maybe I made that assumption? I’m really wondering now. Is my brain filling in the blanks for someone else’s story because of my story?)
When she left I quietly asked the teacher if my fears were correct and they were. She’d had a late term loss. She must have been somewhere between 20-25 weeks. Stillbirth. So devastating. Awful awful loss.
I was completely shaken by this news. I wanted to grab her and hug her tight but how could I do that? I hardly know this woman.
When I returned home I just couldn’t get it out of my mind. It had really unsettled me. So I sat down and wrote her a letter, tears streaming down my cheeks with every word.
You often hear from mum’s of those who have experienced loss that they hate that no-one wants to talk about their baby. It is like that baby never existed. So I wanted to acknowledge her moment and convey my sorrow and let her know that I have some understanding of the heartache that can be involved in trying to build and extend a family should she be searching for someone to talk to.
I felt better once I wrote it but I haven’t given it to her yet (and we are about three weeks on). I can’t figure out if it’s the right thing to do. I don’t want to be invasive and we don’t know each other well.
Does anyone have any insight to offer me on this one?
How would you feel about receiving a letter like this from someone you hardly knew?